sassyblu: (toooo.muuuuuuch.sominexxxxxxxx)
somewhere I must find the energy to leave the apartment this weekend.  This week has been extremely draining.  The stress level around the office is sky high and I've been working 2-3 hours every night while I watch TV.  Granted, its mostly because I'm bored by the TV but even so... draining.

Last night was fun... I saw the Noisettes play at Ameoba with Joey.  Good stuff.  We ate at my favorite peruvian restaurant.   Inca Cola?!?  Strange and delicious.  Then I went home, took my muscle relaxant and collapsed.  I made a vague attempt to watch Capote, but I fell asleep before the previews were finished. Sorry, PSH, you'll have to wait till tonight.

I need new pants, as most of mine are tooooo big.   my spoon is toooooooo big. If anything can motivate me to leave the apartment, it's s.h..o.p.p.i..in.gg.

oh fuck my ikea night stand just broke.
sassyblu: (balancing cake and bread)
I've had a pair of new glasses for a year and a half. tonight, I put them on for the first time.  I can see more clearly, but  the storm clouds are still gathering.  I've made so many mistakes this week.  Little mistakes, super sized mistakes and everything in between.  The big scoreboard in the sky reads Home team, 0. Away team, 100.  My emotions are bouncing between despair and indifference and somewhere in between.  It's the in between that's a killer.  I like knowing where i stand, even if it's at the bottom.  But personally and professionally, it's all a big jumble of uncertainty.
 
Sometimes I think about the professor catching me after class and telling me I was talented and I should consider doing it for a living. It doesn't matter what "it" is, rather, it's the feeling I got when he told me this.    The feeling that I had a place in the world, that I belonged somewhere.  It was powerful and scared the shit out of me and I promptly told him I had no interest in "it".   It was an easy way out, out of something I might have been good at. 

at times I feel that same way about my life now, like I've finally found "it".   but mostly, I'm living in a big grey zone of uncertainty.  I feel lost without that professor pointing the way for me, telling me "this is IT" .  And then I feel dismayed that I need that type of reassurance.  Why can't I believe in myself?  Why isn't that enough?
sassyblu: (aya_snow queen)
why am I suddenly feeling like a failure, a fraud, a big fat loser...why now? success is a two-faced bitch.
sassyblu: (all the right pills)
I just put down my crack pipe and realized it's Wednesday. Wednesday not Tuesday. Shit.
sassyblu: (gaudi)
fuck.

Just got a call from work saying "you know you're working tomorrow, right?". I had no clue, considering the last time I checked the schedule it said OFF. My psychic powers must be malfunctioning.

And. I think the memory card in my camera is fucked and all my pictures from the trip are gone.gone.gone.

But at least I have a job, a home, water, electricity, etc.
sassyblu: (all the right pills)
in the right time, right place department: Over my lunch hour I was running errands and they were discussing the rising gas prices($2.76!) on the radio. A caller mentioned that the gas station on Springfield Ave still had the old price. I happened to be in the area and sure enough, it was still $2.59. As I'm gassing the car up, the attendant comes out and starts changes the price. yikes! My new used car only takes premium, which means I'm going to be paying $2.95/gallon. I might as well be living in Europe.
sassyblu: (my secret lovers)
what.the.hell. is the big deal about Pulp? I listened to some clips on amazon and they seem like david bowie wanna-bees. buzz buzz.

one day I should write a real entry.

eta: the IRS gave me 99 cents interest. cheap fuckers
sassyblu: (mellow yellow)
holy smokes, it's HOT out. It should be illegal to be this hot at 9am. I finished cleaning the junk out of my car and wiping down everything... now I must find the energy to go vacuum it. ick. Ya know, I never realized till recently that people can pay to have their car cleaned. I always thought "detailing" meant painting those tacky stripes on the outside of the car. I'm dumb sometimes.
sassyblu: (smokin)
Fuck Tori and her stupid fucking shitty tour dates. I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars to see her this tour. Why did she have to go and have a kid and thereby limit herself to 20 or so dates per "tour"? Doesn't she know she lives and breathes and fucks for her fans and her fans alone? what the fuck is she thinking??????

*whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne*

this entry brought to you by Self-centered Selfish Narcissistic Bitch Tantrum (tm).

so there.

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January 2009

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