natural zesty enterprise

I've had a pair of new glasses for a year and a half. tonight, I put them on for the first time.  I can see more clearly, but  the storm clouds are still gathering.  I've made so many mistakes this week.  Little mistakes, super sized mistakes and everything in between.  The big scoreboard in the sky reads Home team, 0. Away team, 100.  My emotions are bouncing between despair and indifference and somewhere in between.  It's the in between that's a killer.  I like knowing where i stand, even if it's at the bottom.  But personally and professionally, it's all a big jumble of uncertainty.
 
Sometimes I think about the professor catching me after class and telling me I was talented and I should consider doing it for a living. It doesn't matter what "it" is, rather, it's the feeling I got when he told me this.    The feeling that I had a place in the world, that I belonged somewhere.  It was powerful and scared the shit out of me and I promptly told him I had no interest in "it".   It was an easy way out, out of something I might have been good at. 

at times I feel that same way about my life now, like I've finally found "it".   but mostly, I'm living in a big grey zone of uncertainty.  I feel lost without that professor pointing the way for me, telling me "this is IT" .  And then I feel dismayed that I need that type of reassurance.  Why can't I believe in myself?  Why isn't that enough?

I just put down my crack pipe and realized it's Wednesday. Wednesday not Tuesday. Shit.

in the right time, right place department: Over my lunch hour I was running errands and they were discussing the rising gas prices($2.76!) on the radio. A caller mentioned that the gas station on Springfield Ave still had the old price. I happened to be in the area and sure enough, it was still $2.59. As I'm gassing the car up, the attendant comes out and starts changes the price. yikes! My new used car only takes premium, which means I'm going to be paying $2.95/gallon. I might as well be living in Europe.

holy smokes, it's HOT out. It should be illegal to be this hot at 9am. I finished cleaning the junk out of my car and wiping down everything... now I must find the energy to go vacuum it. ick. Ya know, I never realized till recently that people can pay to have their car cleaned. I always thought "detailing" meant painting those tacky stripes on the outside of the car. I'm dumb sometimes.